A Pirates Life
by E350
Summary: It is the Eighteenth Century, and a bunch of sailors have decided to mutiny and become priates. These are the voyages of the Krusty Krab, in yet another pirate story! Spandy, rated for mild violence.
1. Episode 1: The Mutiny

Who doesn't love pirates? Apart from the Navy, of course.

There's just an allure about pirates in the late 17th and early 18th century that makes them so interesting. They've been the subject of movies, books, video games and so forth.

This particular thingamabob draws heavy inspiration from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (in fact, I actually have it set about a decade after the third move), Sid Meier's Priates and SOLmaster's excellent Capt BlackPants & the Pirate Toonribbean Adventure, which I must demand you read immediately. I'm also trying to add a bit of originality, please tell me if I'm failing.

I hope you enjoy this. The first few chapters a bit old, but I have gone through them, so they should be at least mildly presentable.

I apologise in advance to the people of Western England, and my poor attempt at your accent.

* * *

**Episode One: The Mutiny**

_Dockyards,_  
_Bristol, England,_  
_Some Point In The Eighteenth Century…_

The ships in the harbour bobbed gently, silhouetted by the setting sun. The city of Bristol was very much alive, a hub port of the British Empire and a way of escaping the crowded and poverty-ridden reality of her cities.

_The sea. So expansive. So free. So…uh…wet._

The sponge sat on the pier, looking out to sea. A few seagulls were perched around him, scouting the area for food scraps to fill their stomachs.

My name is Spongebob Squarepants, and me and my friend, Timmy Turner, are on a quest.

Spongebob tried to pet one of the seagulls, but it flew away. Spongebob sighed, and returned to look at the ships in the harbour.

We're gonna find our friends. We lost 'em, years ago, to some evil pirates led by Sheldon Plankton and Denzel Crocker. But now we're gonna sail to the Caribbean and find them!

"Dude, who're you talking to?" asked a boy, walking up behind him.

Spongebob turned to face him.

"The seagulls, Timmy," he shrugged, pointing at the gulls, "I'm telling them our story."

Timmy shook his head.

"Riiiight," he replied, "Well, I got us a place on a ship."

"Which one?" asked Spongebob.

Timmy pointed out a small ship anchored next to a pier close by. She was a worn but charming vessel, with tall sails and a row of cannon to protect her. The Union Jack of the British Navy flew from her hull, next to a red flag with white writing; _Dash Baxter Trading Co._

"Wow," gasped Spongebob, "She's beaut-ie-full!"

"She's just a ship," sighed Timmy, "Come on, let's get on."

The two walked across the dockyards, passing a shabby trader on the way.

"Psst, lads," the trader called, "Want te buy some cutlasses? Good to protect yeselves from those on the seas. Those without the flag, y'know."

"Pirates?" asked Timmy.

"Aye, they're the ones, in' ay?" nodded the trader, "Never tell with 'at lot wether they spare yer or chuck yer to Old 'ob's judgement. So, whaddaya say? Accept any proice, gotta put food on the toible, ay?"

"How about a shilling each?" asked Spongebob.

"Now yer talkin'," smiled the trader, "'Ere yer go, you lot. Moike sure yer don't ron into any poirates, rioght?"

"We won't," replied Timmy, taking the cutlasses and handing one to Spongebob.

"Now let's get to the ship!" said Spongebob excitedly, running for the ship. Timmy shrugged and ran after him.

"Their bloody doomed if thoi do ron into any poirates, oil tell ya," sighed the trader, walking away.

Spongebob and Timmy reached the gangplank of their ship, where they met a large officer. He was wearing a green jacket and long tan pants, with unpolished grey boots.

"I'm Kwan, the quartermaster on this ship," Kwan explained, "Names?"

"Spongebob Squarepants and Timmy Turner, sir!" replied Spongebob, saluting.

Kwan looked them over and shook his head.

"Humph. More losers," he observed, "Go the deck and see Captain Baxter."

Spongebob nodded and led Timmy aboard. Spongebob looked around reluctantly.

"You sure this was the only ship?" he asked.

"Yep," replied Timmy, "Only ship going from here to the Caribbean."

They walked up to another large officer. He wore a tricorne hat, a red jacket, long black pants and large brown boots.

"Uh…are you the captain?" asked Spongebob

The captain turned around.

"That's Captain Dash Baxter to you, sailor!" barked Dash, "Welcome to my ship! If you want a pass, you can sign up to work for six months, twelve months or indefinite."

"What if we don't sign up?" demanded Timmy.

Dash clicked his fingers. Two burly officers grabbed a random crewman and threw him overboard. There was a dull splash.

"Six or twelve?" asked Dash.

"We'll take six," whimpered Timmy.

"Very good," nodded Dash, "Your next six months will be spent under the decks looking after the cargo, I don't like to look at my crew."

"Aye captain," nodded Spongebob, "What happens when we finish looking after the cargo?"

"Then you start again," growled Dash, "You don't come up for six months, understood?"

He raised his hand as if about to click his fingers again.

"Yes sir!" gasped Timmy and Spongebob, quickly.

They were dragged below decks, both nervously glancing at each other.

* * *

Timmy was scowling as he sat near the cargo crates, arms crossed.

"Two weeks," he muttered to himself, "Two darn weeks…"

"You OK, Timmy?" asked Spongebob.

"Not talking to you," growled Timmy.

"What did I do?" demanded Spongebob.

"It was your stupid idea to go to the Caribbean and find our friends," replied Timmy.

The ship swayed, and Timmy fell off the crate he was sitting on. Timmy simply lay on the floor, still scowling.

"Still not talking," he noted.

"What's with him?"

Another crewman of the ship, Danny Fenton, walked over to them. He wore a tattered long sleeve shirt and ripped shorts, without any shoes.

"He's still mad at me," replied Spongebob.

"Ignore him," shrugged Danny, "At least he's still his own person."

"What're you talking about?" asked Spongebob.

Another sailor, Jenny Wakeman, came over. She was a robot, with a red bandanna over her head.

"After about three weeks of staying below decks, Dash comes in and offers sailors a chance to come up," she explained, "All we have to do is become one of those creeps."

"The officers," nodded Danny.

Yet another sailor walked over. He had an oddly shaped head, like a football, and wore a small cap over his battered shirt and pants. Again, he was barefoot.

"If you say no, you have to stay down here until Dash feels like letting you out," continued Arnold, "That usually means…well, indefinitely."

Two more sailors came over. One had spiky purple hair, and wore a ragged jacket over his shirt and long pants. The other had large swirly hair and a big head, and wore a labcoat over his t-shirt and pants.

"Six months in the decks," sighed Tommy, "I'm barely lasting two weeks!"

"Scientifically speaking, a guy can probably last about four weeks in under the decks before he goes nuts," added Jimmy.

"Ahem," interrupted Jenny.

"Sorry, I meant person."

"Why don't you just mutiny?" asked Spongebob.

The crewman looked at each other, before laughing their heads off.

"We don't even have any weapons," reminded Jimmy, wiping his eye.

"You're mad," chuckled Danny.

"No he ain't!"

The last sailor walked over. She was a squirrel, wearing a long sleeve shirt and long pants, her tail swaying behind her.

"Not this again," sighed Jenny.

"We can take 'em," she exclaimed, "We just need to get off our butts, get out of these decks and throw Dash off our ship!"

"One, this isn't our ship," Danny began to list on his fingers, "Two, we're unarmed, and we don't have the key to the weapon's storage. Three, even if we did have weapons we'd still have to get out the hatch, which is locked!"

Sandy pulled the hatch keys from her pocket, grinning.

"We're still unarmed," said Arnold.

"No we're not," interrupted Spongebob.

He pulled out his bag, and reached inside. He brought out the cutlasses he and Timmy had bought in Bristol. He then walked over to the crate full of weapons, and tried to cut open the lock. At last, it broke, and the crate opened.

"OK, now we're armed," nodded Tommy, "We're just missing one thing."

"What's that?" asked Jenny.

"It's not our ship," replied Tommy, "We have to fix that."

"What?" gasped Jimmy, "But we can't mutiny…"

"I'm in," nodded Spongebob.

"So am I," replied Sandy.

"I'm in," added Danny.

"Count me in," exclaimed Jenny.

"I'm up for it," said Arnold.

"Alright," sighed Jimmy, "I'm in."

"I'm not," growled Timmy.

"Timmy," pleaded Spongebob, "If you mutiny, you'll get out of here."

Timmy looked thoughtful.

"Alright, but I'm still not talking to you," he sighed at last.

"Ye-haw!" cheered Sandy, "So, who's gonna be captain?"

There was a long silence.

Then there was chaos, as the crew argued over who would be captain.

"OK, how about we vote?" suggested Spongebob.

"Me," almost the entire crew said in ustion.

"I say Spongebob," said Timmy.

The crew gasped.

"I thought you weren't talking to him," mused Danny.

"Oh, I'm not," replied Timmy, "But out of all of us, Spongebob is the only sea creature. He made me read a whole five-hundred-page book about some sorta pirate code. No one here except fudge head ("Hey!") knows the difference between port and starboard, so that doesn't matter. Spongebob got us the weapons. He's the only guy apart from me and Arnold…"

Arnold nodded.

"…who didn't vote for himself…err…or herself, Jenny."

"I second his vote," nodded Sandy.

"Thirded," added Arnold.

"I dunno…" mused Spongebob.

"I'll start talking to you again," offered Timmy.

Spongebob smiled.

"Just call me captain," he smiled.

"Aye aye, cap'n!" nodded Timmy, "Now, mutiny?"

"MUTINY!" yelled Spongebob.

Sandy unlocked the hatch and the crew ran up.

* * *

Dash and Kwan were standing at the bow of the ship in the rain, looking at a nearby city in the far distance.

"Wanna trade in Tortuga?" mused Dash.

He turned when Kwan didn't reply.

Kwan was being held down by Danny, who was now armed with cutlass.

"Mutiny!" gasped Dash, pulling out his sword.

"AAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Spongebob swung from the masts, screaming as he flew through the air. He accidentally kicked an officer and landed on his face.

"He's pathetic," deadpanned Dash.

"He's the captain," shrugged Danny.

"Really?" sighed Dash, sarcastically.

Spongebob climbed to his feet, cutlass drawn. He ran at Dash screaming. Dash sidestepped and tripped him.

"Nice try, 'captain'," growled Dash, preparing to strike with his sword.

Spongebob rolled over as the sword hit the ground, and climbed to his feet. He ducked as Dash tried to swing at him, before blocking another blow.

Dash grabbed a rope and swung away from Spongebob, landing on the middle of the ship. Spongebob jumped after him, fell down the steps and landed on his face again. He jumped to his feet, and ran towards Dash. Dash blocked his attack, and countered, knocking Spongebob backwards.

Dash flinched as a bucket flew at him. Turning, he gasped as Timmy ran at him, making contact with his sword. Timmy knocked him back towards Spongebob, Dash barely blocking the sponge's attack. He swung around to the left, only to find that Sandy had that escape blocked. Turning to the right, he found Jenny was also blocking his way.

"Aw, man," he sighed, dropping his sword.

* * *

Dash, Kwan and the other officers were lowered into the sea in a small rowboat, Dash still yelling.

"This ain't over, Squarepants! I'll get the Navy on you! You'll all hang! You hear me? You'll all HANG!" he screeched.

"Good luck with that," chucked Timmy, as the ship turned away.

The small crew gathered around the wheel of the ship, Spongebob grabbing onto it.

"Where to, captain?" asked Jenny.

"We'd better get out of here," warned Jimmy, "Dash will get the navy, they'll send ships after us."

"We could dock in Tortuga," shrugged Arnold, "No one can get us there."

"Except other pirates," mused Tommy.

"So what? _We're_ pirates, what does it matter?" shrugged Danny.

"It's up to you, captain," reminded Sandy.

"What're your orders?" asked Timmy.

Spongebob sniffed the wind.

"Where ever the wind takes us," he shrugged, "Where ever the wind takes us."

"That's a stupid order," mumbled Jimmy, but everyone ignored him.

The ship bobbed and swayed as it sailed towards Tortuga.

This was the beginning of the voyages of the _Krusty Krab_.


	2. Episode 2: Enter the Antagonists

Here is episode two. Incidentally, I based this fic's portrayal of Tortuga on a combination of the one from Pirates of the Caribbean, the real life island of Tortuga and 1920s Chicago. That last one sticks out a bit, doesn't it?

Also, yes, I know burgers didn't exist in the 1700s. Suspension of disbelief, chaps.

Anyway, review replies!

**TweenisodeOrange: **I'm very glad you liked it! Thanks for reading.  
**

* * *

Episode Two: Enter The Antagonists**

The ship sailed towards the mouth of Tortuga harbour. Tortuga was the biggest pirate haven in the Caribbean, where pirates could dock without the small problem of being hanged by the navy. It was rowdy and lawless, the French owners of the city taking a blind eye to the buccaneers (after all, pirates generally had a lot of money to spend on goods, mainly rum, and French merchants were happy to sell.)

A person could find just about anything in Tortuga, and could rub with people from all walks of life; pirates and merchants, naval captains and criminals, peasants and rich lords.

Spongebob and Danny sat on the railing of the ship, talking.

"So, that's Tortuga, huh?" asked Spongebob.

"Yep, it's better then it looks," replied Danny, "I used to live there before I started working on ships to make money. You've just gotta know the right places."

He shrugged, and continued.

"So, why'd you join the crew?" he asked.

"Me and Timmy were coming over here to find our friends," replied Spongebob.

"What happened to them?"

"Well, it all started two years ago, when me and my friends, Patrick and Squidward, were working for Mr. Krabs and Mrs. Puff in his company thingamabob."

"Eugene Krabs?" mused Danny, "The guy in charge of the Krusty Krab Trading Company? I thought he disappeared!"

"What?" asked Tommy, having misheard them, "We're naming the ship the _Krusty Krab_?"

"No, we're actually…" began Danny.

"I'll paint it on the side," said Tommy, grabbing a can of paint.

Spongebob and Danny looked at each other, before shrugging.

"It was great!" continued Spongebob, "I made Mr. Krabs' invention, these burgers called Krabby Patties, and gave 'em to Mr. Krabs' sailors. Only one day, all of his ships got sunk in a storm, so he couldn't pay money he owed to a pirate…this guy called…Plankton."

Danny spat out some water he'd been drinking.

"Captain Sheldon Plankton?" he gasped.

"You know him?" asked Spongebob.

"Only from legend," replied Danny, "They say he's the most black-hearted pirate in history. They say he's sunk almost as much as Bart Roberts himself! They say he's got a hidden fortress somewhere in the Caribbean where he keeps all his prisoners…"

"Its just legend, Danny," reminded Jimmy, walking over, "I mean, you heard some of the stories? The one that says he took down three British warships in one day? No-one could do that!"

"Plankton could," said Danny, grimly.

"Anyway, Plankton came to Mr Krabs' office and said he was taking us as slaves for payment," continued Spongebob.

"How'd you escape?" asked Jimmy.

"I jumped out the window and ran away," shrugged Spongebob, "Then I met Timmy."

"What did Plankton do to him?" asked Danny.

"Plankton's first mate, Denzel Crocker," replied Timmy, walking over, "Stole my fair…err…my friends that are definitely not magical in any way…yeah…to try to use their magic…which doesn't exist…to take over the world."

He gave a nervous chuckle, and rubbed the back of his head.

"Denzel Crocker," mused Danny, "The Caribbean Crackpot. He's supposed to be the craziest pirate in history."

"I'm not gonna challenge you there," chuckled Jimmy, "Fairies? Please!"

"We're nearly at port," said Arnold, walking over, "We going ashore?"

"You won't regret it," promised Danny, grinning.

"Sure, let's go ashore," nodded Timmy, "We need a break on land after two weeks in the dark!"

"He, _sure_, a_shore_," giggled Spongebob, "Good one, buddy!"

There was a short pause. A cricket chirped.

"It wasn't a joke," deadpanned Timmy.

"OK, drop anchor!" called Arnold, "We're going to Tortuga!"

* * *

Danny led the crew through Tortuga's streets to a small but well-lit building. It was made of wood, like all of Tortuga's buildings, and was run-down but somehow inviting.

"Guys, this is the Nasty Burger," introduced Danny, "They sell pretty much anything here!"

They went inside. The place had many people inside, but not so many to the point of being packed. The customers were eating, drinking, talking and passing out from the second thing on this list. A small bald man was at the counter, looking bored.

"Hey Sam," called Danny, coming over, "Remember me?"

"What'll it be, fellas?" asked Sam.

"Come on, Sam, you know me," said Danny, raising his eyebrow.

"Well, what'll it be?"

"Remember? I used to come in here with Tucker and…uh…Sam," continued Danny, acknowledging the name similarities.

"Look, ya gonna buy something or not?" demanded Sam.

"Same old Sam," chuckled Danny, "You guys sit down, I'll order."

The rest of the crew went to a table, waiting for Danny. Jimmy sat at the edge of the table, in earshot of the table next to them.

"…so what do we do with the loot, captain?" asked a large, mechanical ghost.

"Spend it, duh," chuckled a small green speck on the table, "Do I look like Krabs to you?"

"What do we do about that Navy ship in the harbour?" the ghost mused.

"Ignore it, Skulker, it's not after us," replied the speck, "We'll go out the other side of the bay, it probably won't even notice us!"

"Aye, Captain Plankton," nodded Skulker.

Jimmy gasped. He elbowed Jenny, who was sitting next to him.

"It's Captain Plankton," he whispered.

"What?" demanded Jenny.

"Should we tell the captain?" asked Jimmy,

Jenny thought. As she did so, Plankton and Skulker got up to leave.

"We'll follow them," replied Jenny, "If they know anything about Spongebob and Timmy's friends, we'll make them tell us."

"How do you suppose we do that?" asked Jimmy.

"Jimmy," sighed Jenny, "You have a sword."

Jimmy looked down at the sword on his belt.

"Oh, yeah," he nodded, "Well, all genius' miss things sometimes. Should we tell the captain?"

"No," replied Jenny, "He might do something…"

"Naïve and stupid? Good point," agreed Jimmy.

He stood up.

"I need to use the bathroom," he announced.

"Me two," nodded Jenny, "Be right back!"

The two ran off.

Timmy glanced over to the door for a second, then he shrugged.

"Well, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go," he mused.

"I wonder what's keeping Danny," wondered Sandy.

* * *

Danny, as it turned out, had met an old friend in the line. It was his best friend, Tucker Foley, who he had lost contact with a year earlier.

"So, how's Sam?" asked Danny.

"She joined a pirate crew a few months back," shrugged Tucker, "Haven't heard from her since."

"Oh," nodded Danny, being handed the crew's orders, "So, what d'you do these days?"

"Just stuff," shrugged Tucker, "I work for a guy, no big deal."

Danny nodded again.

"So, you wanna come over to our table?" he asked.

"Nah, I'm meeting with…the guy," said Tucker, quickly.

He walked away.

"Well, that was weird," mused Danny, walking away.

* * *

Tucker walked out the back, turning to a short, bald, hunchbacked man in a blue-and-red naval uniform.

"Ah, Private Foley, what held you?" asked the man.

"I met an old friend, sir," replied Tucker.

"Who was he?" demanded the officer, suspiciously.

"Danny Fenton, Lieutenant Calamitous, sir," answered Tucker.

Calamitous nodded, a smirk printed on his face.

"Your shore leave is up," he ordered, "Return to the ship."

"Yes sir," replied Tucker, walking away.

As soon as he was out of earshot, Tucker scowled.

"I _hate_ the navy," he groaned.

* * *

Jimmy and Jenny hid behind some barrels as Plankton and Skulker met another man.

"Ah, Crocker, buddy of mine," greeted Plankton, "You got it?"

Crocker grinned, showing a map in his hands.

"This is it," gasped Plankton, eyes wide and shining, "The map to the Golden Ship! We're rich! _RIIIIIIIICH!"_

He started to laugh evilly, Crocker joining in.

"Stop that," growled Plankton, pointing to Crocker, "I'm the one who does the laughing here."

"So, where is it?" demanded Skulker.

"Not far from here," replied Crocker, "About three days sail…that way."

Crocker pointed in a seemingly random direction.

"Of course," he added his eye twitching a little, "A ship made of gold is only possible by the use of…FAIRY GODPARENTS!"

Crocker twitched.

"Please, stop that," sighed Plankton.

Jimmy looked over at Jenny.

"You know," he mused, "That map could lead to something pretty valuable…"

"Yeah," nodded Jenny, "We probably shouldn't let greed cloud our judgement…"

They paused for a second.

Then they jumped out from behind the barrels, swords drawn.

"Hand over the map!" yelled Jimmy.

Plankton turned around.

"Who are they?" he asked.

"Uh, who cares?" shrugged Skulker.

"Good point," nodded Plankton, "DESTROY THEM!"

Crocker and Skulker drew swords and charged.

Jimmy ducked under Crocker's sword blow and grabbed the map, before jumping over another attempted slash. He threw the map to Jenny before hitting Crocker back, only to be blocked.

Jenny caught the map, before blocking Skulker's attack. She struck under the big ghost's legs, tripping him up, before running for the Nasty Burger, Jimmy behind.

"GET THEM!" yelled Plankton.

"You could help, you know," growled Skulker.

"Quiet, fool, I'm the captain!"

* * *

"What's holding them?" demanded Timmy, "I need to go!"

The door slammed open, and Jimmy and Jenny ran inside, Skulker and Crocker at their tail. The two ducked under the table, but Skulker cut it in two.

Danny finally walked over with the orders, and stared.

"OK, what happened while I was gone?"

Jenny stood up and blocked another blow from Skulker, before whacking him with the flat of her sword, knocking in to someone else's table.

Skulker looked at the people at the table.

The people looked at him.

The customers looked at the wrecked table.

They then looked at each other.

Then they immediately started fighting.

Skulker was whacked by a barrage of blunt instruments, but knocked the people hitting him out of the way and stormed back towards Jenny. She blocked his attack, knocking him towards Tommy, who brought out his own sword and whacked him over the head with the flat of it. The door then burst open, and the rest of Plankton's crew barged in, joining the fight.

Spongebob, Timmy, Arnold and Sandy fought them off with the flats of their swords.

"So, how're things?" asked Timmy, whacking away an alien called Ooblah.

"They're fine," nodded Arnold, hitting a super villain, Man Ray, "So, we called the ship the _Krusty Krab_?"

"Yeah, that was kinda an accident," admitted Spongebob.

"Not a bad name," nodded Sandy, karate chopping Crocker into another table, "So, what do we do when we're done here?"

"Pirate stuff, I guess," mused Spongebob, knocking away a large bubble, the Dirty Bubble, "Jimmy and Jenny got a map, maybe it leads to treasure or something?"

"They find a map, and we get attacked," mused Sandy, "There's a connection here…"

Not far away, Danny was holding back random angry and most likely pickled customers with a chair leg. He ran up some stairs to the balcony, where people who paid more got to sit. Two British redcoat soldiers walked up to him. One was bespectacled and short brown hair, while the other had a totally unenthused look on his face and messy, red hair.

"Sorry about this mate," the redhead apologized.

"Sorry about what?" asked Danny.

WHACK!

Danny fell unconscious as the other hit him over the head with a bottle.

"You could've been more subtle, Mark," sighed the first redcoat.

"What?" shrugged Mark, "If the captain wants 'subtle' he can come down here and kidnap this guy himself, George."

The fight continued, but Plankton's crew were getting hit hard by both the crew and the angry customers. Sam growled, pulled out a flintlock pistol and fired it into the air.

The fight stopped.

"Alright, break it up!" he yelled.

"He started it," a customer accused, pointing to Skulker.

"I don't care who started it, I'm finishing it!" barked Sam, "Whoever did this is paying damages!"

"Oh, Mister Barkeep, I do apologize."

Plankton walked out of the crowd.

"Captain Plankton?" gasped Spongebob and Sam.

Timmy looked across the recuperating crew.

"Denzel Crocker?" he gasped.

"Hey, it's that sponge kid," noticed Plankton, "How's it doing? Things been alright with you?"

"Not since you kidnapped my friends," growled Spongebob.

"Yeah, that would put a crimp on your day," nodded Plankton, casually.

"Where are they?" demanded Timmy.

"You'll never find them, Turner!" shouted Crocker, "They're hidden in a place only our crew knows the way to! Our _secret_ fortress!"

The crew glared at him.

"Perhaps I said too much," he mused, sheepishly.

There was hushed whispering.

"So the fortress really does exist," gasped a customer.

"I'll find it!" promised Spongebob, "I'll find it and…"

"And then what, whelp?" yelled Skulker, "Then you'll get past all of our guards, find the secret key, unlock their hidden cells in the dungeon and get out alive?"

More glares.

"Oops, sorry," muttered Skulker, rubbing the back of his head.

Plankton laughed.

"Alright, if you want to mess with us, consider yourselves my _nemesis_…es!" he chuckled.

Man Ray walked over and handed Spongebob a blank piece of paper with a black spot burned on it.

"Here you go, I burnt it myself!"

"Yo do realise I want my map back, Neutron," reminded Plankton, "I'll be back! You know I'll be back!"

He walked away, laughing.

"The Black Spot?" gasped Tommy, "That means…"

"…Plankton's after your blood," interrupted Sam, "Better start writing your wills."

"No," said Spongebob, shaking his head, "We can't give up already. This just means we've gotta keep going, keep fighting Plankton and find our friends!"

"Yeah, and get rich too!" yelled Timmy.

There were a few stares.

"What?" shrugged Timmy, "Can't hurt to get a bit of treasure on the way."

The crew nodded, and began to cheer.

"Wait a minute," noticed Sandy, "Where the heck's Danny?"

* * *

"Ugh…"

Danny opened his eyes to find himself lying on the deck of an unfamiliar ship. He was surrounded by the red-coated marines of the Royal Navy. One of them was familiar…

"Tucker?" he gasped.

"I'm sorry, dude," whispered Tucker, looking at his feet.

"Captain's coming!" yelled Mark, "Quick, pretend you have any respect for him and salute!"

The redcoats saluted, Tucker reluctantly, as the ship's captain, resplendent in a smart blue-and-gold uniform, walked out of his cabin.

Danny's eyes widened.

"No," he gasped, "It can't…you can't be…"

The captain swaggered up to Danny, a smirk on his face and Lieutenant Calamitous at his side.

"Hello, Daniel," greeted Vlad Masters.


	3. Episode 3: In The Navy

Again, another historical disrepancy here - female redcoat. I don't care, you don't care, just roll with it.

Review replies;

**TweenisodeOrange:** Technically, Vlad would be a blue-coat. :P Also, I've never played the Zelda games, so Link probably won't appear. Sorry 'bout that one. Anyway, thanks for reviewing!

**Zim'sMostLoyalServant:** You can bet Zim will be in this eventually. (Incidentally, I still have one set of antagonists to introduce). Thanks for the review!

**BlooMan2:** Thank you very much! :D Thanks for reading!  
**

* * *

Episode Three: In the Navy**

_The redcoats saluted, Tucker reluctantly, as the ship's captain, resplendent in a smart blue-and-gold uniform, walked out of his cabin._

_Danny's eyes widened._

_"No," he gasped, "It can't…you can't be…"_

_The captain swaggered up to Danny, a smirk on his face and Lieutenant Calamitous at his side._

_"Hello, Daniel," greeted Vlad Masters._

"Yes, I can tell you find disbelief in this, can you not?" chuckled Vlad, "Questioning how I could not have possibly survived being sunk? How you saw my ship explode? How you thought I was gone forever?"

Vlad laughed heartily.

"You have to do better then that to rid the world of Captain Vlad Masters," he scoffed.

"But you didn't even leave that ship!" gasped Danny, "You…you're in _the navy_?"

"Surprising, isn't it," continued Vlad, "You'd find that the king is very forgiving when you offer to hand over fifty of your plunder."

"That doesn't explain who you survived!"

"Secrets, past experiences, nobody cares," sighed Vlad, waving it away, "Now lets see…I have you aboard as a known pirate just a few leagues away from other known pirates whom I can destroy quite easily. Daniel, I could hang you right now if I wanted."

Vlad leaned closer.

"I want you as my apprentice," he whispered, out of earshot of Calamitous, "I can pardon you for piracy, I can make you rich…"

"My answer isn't changing, Vlad," growled Danny, "I will never join you!"

"Tragic, tragic," sighed Vlad, "Mister Foley, take him to the brig."

Tucker nodded and dragged Danny away.

* * *

"He can't have gotten that far," mused Jenny, "I mean, he vanished about, what, an hour ago? He probably just found another of his friends around here! He'll turn up."

The pirates were still in the Nasty Burger, having looked for Danny to no avail.

"Yeah," nodded Tommy, "He can't have been arrested. This is Tortuga! The governor doesn't _care_ what happens here!"

"Hey!"

The pirates glanced to the counter. Sam had grabbed a man and was dragging him to the door. The man was well-kept, in fact he seemed like some sort of…

British Redcoat.

"No soldiers in my business!" Sam growled.

"Get off me, I'm with the navy!" the redcoat snapped, "I'm acting under orders, you'd do well to let go right now!"

"Wait!"

Spongebob ran up to the redcoat, and looked him straight in the eye. He breathed in.

"Hi, did you see what happened to our friend, Danny?" he asked brightly.

Timmy facepalmed.

"Know the man?" snarled the Redcoat, "Silverstone and Parks collared him a few hours ago. He's currently under custody in the good ship _Royal __Charles_ out in the bay. You'll never be able to take in whatever tub you possess."

"Here we go again."

A second, female redcoat entered the Nasty Burger, looking more then a little bit miffed.

"Eustace, I leave you five minutes and you get into trouble," she sighed.

"I'm doing my duty for king and country!" snapped Eustace.

"Riiight," growled the second redcoat.

Sam walked over and collared the soldier, sighing heavily as he did so.

"Oh, no, I've been captured," sighed the redcoat, tonelessly, "Now I will have to betray my captain and help you save your friend."

"We never said you had to do that…" noted Spongebob, helpfully.

"Shh, I'm trying to help here," snapped the soldier, "Look, I'm Lil Deville, me and my twin Phil work for the Navy. We can help you save…Danny, wasn't it?"

"What makes you think we can trust you?" demanded Jimmy.

"Simple - I don't like the Captain," shrugged Lil.

"Mutiny!" snapped Eustace.

"Quiet you!" snapped Sam.

"That doesn't convince me," snarled Jimmy.

"We have a map to Captain Kidd's treasure that the captain thinks is a fake," added Lil.

"You expect us to…" began Jimmy.

"Deal," the others chimed.

Jimmy facepalmed.

"Sometimes it really stinks to be the smart guy," he groaned.

* * *

Danny sat in the brig, not talking. Tucker, Mark and George were standing guard.

"…and that is yet another reason why the French suck," finished Mark.

"Not as much as the Spanish," mused George.

"You call yourself a Briton, George?" demanded Mark, "Britain and France are like cats and dogs – they're natural enemies!"

Tucker was not involved in the rather un-politically correct conversation taking place and turned to Danny.

"Danny, I'm sorry," he sighed.

"I have nothing to say to you, _Private_," snarled Danny.

"Seriously," continued Tucker, "I never wanted to join the navy. It's just…"

"Just what?" demanded Danny, "You just felt like doing _exactly_ what we vowed _not_ to do? Did you?"

"I got press-ganged," replied Tucker.

Danny's emotions changed from bitterness to shock.

"You _what?_" he gasped.

"This ship landed in Tortuga, looking for new sailors," explained Tucker, "Some guy came up to me and offered me the King's Shilling…payment in advance."

"You took it?" gasped Danny, "Tucker, that's the oldest trick in the book!"

"He asked me to get him a drink and promised to pay me," sighed Tucker, "He paid me with the Shilling and his goons dragged me on the ship."

"Heh, think yourself lucky," shrugged George, "They shouted me at the tavern. Next morning, I wake up on this bucket."

"They hit me with a shovel," added Mark.

"Man, that's harsh," sighed Danny, shaking his head, "Why don't you just get rid of Vlad?"

"None of us want to get hanged," sighed Tucker, "There are too many sailors who like Vlad on the ship…that, and he pays the bills."

"Hey, lads."

A sailor entered the brig, smiling brightly. He was dirty and had a stubble.

"Evening, mate," greeted George.

The man gave a friendly wave, and Danny felt a sudden liking to this man.

"Evening, Danny," greeted the sailor, completely informally, "I'm the executioner. Sorry 'bout that one."

Danny's face fell.

* * *

Even with the torches of the buildings of Tortuga around it, the harbour was poorly lit. As a result, no one noticed a small ship douse its torches and begin sailing for the Royal Navy ship not far away.

The _Krusty Krab_ was completely unlit and…

THWACK!

"ARG, MY FOOT!"

"Shh..."

Timmy cursed as he hopped to the bow of the ship, where Spongebob, Jimmy, Sandy and Lil were already gathered.

"What's that?" asked Spongebob, hearing drumming.

Lil's eyes widened.

"The drummer's signalling the crew," she exclaimed, "They're gonna hang someone!"

"I think we all know who," growled Sandy.

"Load the port cannon," ordered Jimmy, "Fire at the sails."

The crew nodded, and set to work.

The ship slowly drew close to the British vessel, flag's lowered and looking thoroughly innocent.

* * *

George drummed on his drum as the crew of the British ship gathered on the deck. The flogger (constantly apologising) led Danny onto the stern of the ship, ready to be pushed off with a rope around his neck.

"Right, Daniel," said Vlad, smugly, "Last chance. Join me, or face the noose."

"Sorry 'bout this, mate," said the flogger.

"Shut up," snapped Vlad.

"Vlad, I have one thing to say to you," growled Danny.

Vlad leaned in close to hear what the boy had to say.

PZZZZZT!

Vlad cringed as Danny blew a raspberry in his face at point blank range.

"You're on a noose, boy," snapped Vlad, "You're confidence is misguided!"

"So's your sight," shrugged Danny, "Mind looking to starboard?"

Vlad glanced in that direction to find the darkened shape of a ship approach alongside.

"Oh _fudgenuts!_" he exclaimed.

* * *

"BLOW THE CANNONBALLS INTO THEIR SHIP!" yelled Spongebob.

There was a short silence.

"Uh…the word you're looking for is fire," reminded Jenny.

"Oh, yeah," nodded Spongebob, "FIRE!"

The ship's port cannons blasted against the sails of the _Royal Charles_.

* * *

"Chain shot!" exclaimed Vlad, "They're ripping the sails! They don't want us to escape…"

"Thanks, Captain Exposition!" said Danny, brightly.

The second volley of fire pierced the rope and gave Danny even more to smile about.

"Flogger, tie him back up!" barked Vlad, "The rest of you, prepare round shot!"

"Round shot?" demanded Danny, "Are you nuts? You'll hit their magazine at point blank range! It'll explode!"

"Sir, begging your pardon, but wouldn't that kill us all?" asked Bill.

Vlad cringed.

"Darn it, prepare for boarders then!"

Danny looked at Vlad's crew. Many of them were on Vlad's side, of course, but just as many hated the captain for press-ganging them. If he could get them to fight…

"Captain Masters sucks!" bellowed Danny.

There was a short silence. Then Tucker gave a nod of agreement.

"Got that one right," chuckled George.

"Insolence!" yelled Calamitous, glowering.

"Stuff you!" yelled an anonymous sailor.

"Stuff yerself!"

"Come 'ere and say that!"

"Sure, I'll twist yer bloody kneecap 'till it pops, you hear?"

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah!"

Danny smiled as the crew descended into pointless, uncontrolled bickering. His work here was done.

"NO!"

Vlad drew his sword from his belt and lunged at Danny. Danny ducked under the swing, and grabbed a musket and bayonet from the top of a crate. He dodged another sword thrust, and jammed the bayonet on the musket.

Vlad was infuriated. He had underestimated Danny's willingness to resist him. He had been willing to hang rather then betray his friends. He had distracted the captain long enough for his pirate friends to place him in this situation. He had spat in his face. He had reduced his crew to a bickering rabble.

All of this in the course of about three hours.

The two duelled, each blocking each other's blows as they dodged around each other. In this time, the crew of the _Krusty Krab_ had been able to simply walk aboard, ignored by Vlad's fighting crew. They were now watching the fight.

Vlad smirked as he dodged a blow from Danny.

"You were _aiming_ to miss with that one, Daniel," chucked Vlad, "Too afraid to draw blood, boy? Pah! You'll make a poor pirate at best!"

"I'm not gonna kill you, Vlad," snapped Danny.

"Then you are weak," chuckled Vlad.

He threw his sword to the side.

"Here you are, Daniel, standing before your hated enemy," he explained, "The one who tried to murder your father. The privateer for Holland who became feared across the seas as 'Plasmius.' The one who is now in with the Royal Navy, a trusted man of his majesty's armed forces, who willing to kill your new friends…and who is completely unarmed."

Danny didn't move. His face turned to a death glare.

"Then I win, Daniel," chuckled Vlad, "Even in failure, I succeed. As long as I live, you cannot win."

Danny's expression hardened.

"I will, Plasmius," he growled, "I'll work out how you survived. I'll find out how you got in with the Brits. I'll bring you down…and then I'll win."

Danny turned his back and walked to the plank. The pirates glanced at each other, before following.

"Hey, wait up!"

Tucker, Lil, Mark, George and an unfamiliar marine (who looked similar to Lil except a male) struggled up to them through the bickering mob.

"Hey, it's Lil, Tucker and some other guys we've never met!" exclaimed Timmy.

"Look," explained Tucker, "I'm sorry I have to work for him…"

"I know, Tuck," nodded Danny.

"Hey," mused Spongebob, "Why don't you all come with us? More pirates mean more fun, right?"

Timmy facepalmed at his friend's optimism.

"We've got a better idea," Tucker stated, grinning, "We're gonna sabotage Masters behind his back."

"Yeah, he's probably got more dirt on him then Phil on a good day," nodded Lil.

"Hey!" the other marine snapped.

"Good luck, lads," farewelled Mark, "We're rooting for you!"

Tucker watched as his friend and his new crew walked across the planks back to their own ship. He glanced back up to his captain, who was watching the _Krusty Krab_ calmly, but darkly.

He was still there half an hour later.

* * *

Early the next morning, Tucker was on guard duty on the deck. He noticed Vlad storming out of his cabin towards his second-in-command, Calamitous.

"Calamitous, you did run that errand in Tortuga?" he demanded.

"Of course, we got Fenton…"

"The _other_ errand, Lieutenant," growled Vlad.

"Oh, of course," nodded Calamitous, "The man was very specific. They're active off Nassau. I have reason to suspect our good pirate friends are going that way."

"Why is that?"

"The Golden Ship is also rumoured to be off Nassau," replied Calamitous with a sinister grin, "And that motley crew has the map to get there."

Tucker made a mental note to himself, and carried on with his duties.


	4. Episode 4: El Privateer

The plot thickens...a little...but really this is just an excuse to use Spanish words.

Review replies!

**TweenisodeOrange:** Glad you like it. Incidentally, I think that song is awesome! :D Thanks for reading.

**Zim'sMostLoyalServant:** Meh, there's nothing wrong with making it up as you go. :) Anyway, you'll see what they were speaking of quite soon...X) Thanks for reviewing.  
**

* * *

Episode Three: El Privateer**

Captain Wandissimo was _not_ a pirate; he was a privateer, thank you very much.

Privateer was, in layman's terms, a posh way of saying 'Pirate-in-the-service-of-his-majesty-the-king'. In Wandissimo's case, his majesty was the King of Spain. He was the richer in money for this position, but not in heart. For you see, Wandissimo was tracking an old love of his, and was willing to cross all the great seas of the earth to find her.

Sadly for him, Wanda was already happily married.

Like all good borderline sta...err...privateers, however, Wandissimo wasn't going to let a little thing like that stop him. He used his ability to attack any ship that didn't carry the flag of Spain to attack every ship that he crossed, with the exception of the biggest, and demand information on Wanda. To show his quest, he'd even named his galleon after his crush.

To him, it was romantic. To everybody else, it was rather creepy.

It was a clear day, and the crew of the _Wanda_ were in high spirits. They had just left one of their main ports, Santiago, and were now looking for prizes in the form of merchant vessels carrying goods between Port Royal and Nassau.

Wandissimo's first mate, Remy Buxaplenty, looked out to the horizon. His eyebrow raised as he saw a vessel in the distance.

"Hmm," he mused, "That looks like a pirate sloop, shall we attack?"

Wandissimo grinned.

"It is a ship, and it is not ours," he replied.

The _Wanda _turned in the direction of the other ship…the _Krusty Krab._

* * *

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S," said Spongebob.

"Sea," sighed Tommy.

"Great, your turn!" beamed Spongebob.

"I spy with my little eye, something beginning with S," said Tommy.

"Sea," sighed Jenny.

"Yep," nodded Tommy, boredly.

"I spy…" began Jenny.

"Sea?" guessed Arnold.

"Yep," nodded Jenny.

"This game doesn't really work in the ocean, does it?" mused Tommy.

Sandy walked up to the four pirates, pointing over the side of the ship.

"Spanish galleon," she noted, "Seems mighty interested in our ship."

Spongebob glanced at the large vessel and chuckled.

"Oh, I'm sure they're just passing," he reassured.

BOOM!

A volley of chain shot passed over their heads and hit the sails spectacularly, ripping them apart and splitting the mast.

"Yeah, nice guess captain," quipped Jenny, "Now we're stuck."

The galleon drew up alongside, and the planks came down. The Spanish crew boarded just as Timmy, Danny and Jimmy emerged from under the decks (nobody actually knew who was supposed to be working the ship.)

"What the heck is…" began Timmy.

He gasped as he saw the ship's captain.

"_You,_" he snarled.

Wandissimo looked at Timmy, taken aback, before grinning and looking around at the pirates.

"Ah, you must be friends of _Senior_ Timmy over here, si?" he greeted, "There's been a misunderstanding, of course. Allow me, Wandissimo, the sexiest captain in the Caribbean…"

His jacket ripped off inexplicitly, then reappeared equally inexplicitly.

"…to make it up to you," he finished.

The pirates glanced at one another.

"OK, weirdest pirate hunter ever," said Danny at last.

* * *

Wandissimo's ship was richly furnished, making the _Krusty Krab_ look sloppy in comparison (to be fair, this was not much of an accomplishment). Everything fixed to the ground looked like it had been bought from some exotic and very expensive markets, and there seemed to be an obscene amount of portraits of the ship's officers at every corner.

Wandissimo's cabin was the grandest of the lot. It had gold curtains, a very fancy desk and an extremely large mirror on one of the walls. Wandissimo really seemed to like himself.

What disturbed Timmy, however, was the abundance of portraits of a certain pink haired lady.

"So," Wandissimo began, taking a seat as Spongebob and Timmy entered the room, "How is Wanda lately?"

"Well, it's a funny story…" began Timmy.

"Oh, I remember," snarled Wandissimo, "You lost her and that _idiota _Cosmo to Captain Plankton, didn't you?"

"Well, technically it was Crocker's fault, but…yeah," nodded Timmy.

"I see you're still hanging around with this _simplón_," continued Wandissimo, "The one Jorgen allowed to know…certain things about us."

"What's a simplón?" asked Spongebob.

"Simpleton," translated Wandissimo, "Anyway, despite all this, I'm willing to allow you to help me locate my _preciosamente_ Wanda."

"Why?" demanded Timmy, "So you can fail to get her back again?"

"No, no, _muchacho_," corrected Wandissimo, "I want to you to help me so I can succeed in getting her back. I mean, if we _accidentally_ leave Cosmo behind, who else can she turn to?"

Wandissimo grinned. His jacket ripped off again, then reappeared again.

"What makes me think I'm gonna help you?" demanded Timmy, "I'm not just gonna abandon Cosmo!"

"Well, what might happen if I accidentally let it slide that Wanda and Cosmo are your fairy godparents?" mused Wandissimo.

Timmy's eyes bulged.

"You wouldn't," he gasped.

"Sometimes _honor_ must be bypassed," sighed Wandissimo.

Despite the sad look on his face, Timmy could tell Wandissimo was inwardly grinning.

* * *

Outside, Remy was inspecting the officers of the _Wanda_.

"All right, gentlemen," he began.

"Ahem!"

"…And ladies, thank you Ms. Sanchez," nodded Remy, "Let's go over it again. We'll start with you, Mr. Fancyson."

"I'll show off the display of wealth and culture this ship possesses, making the pirate rabble become jealous," Squilliam informed.

"Then I'll review their own ship," continued Paulina, "Proving to them that it's a dirty old bucket. Which it is!"

"Then we rub it in their faces!" finished Eliot.

Remy stared for a few seconds.

"_What was __that?_" he screamed at last, "_That's not a plan! That's just you stroking your egos again!_"

"It would help if you'd actually informed us of a 'plan'," growled Eliot.

"I did inform you!" snapped Remy, "You three are to stay out of _my_ way and let _me_ enact _my_ plan!"

"Well, sorry if we want to exercise our right to demonstrate our natural superiority," replied Squilliam.

The officers left, disgruntled.

"Be gone, plebeians," whispered Remy, "Once Wandissimo and I enact my plan, Turner will be out of our way for good…"

* * *

"…and that's when me and Pat found this weird thing in the gutter, and we wrapped it up and gave it to Squidward for his birthday," Spongebob reminisced, "He didn't like it for some reason."

"That…was a little more then I needed to know, senior," said Wandissimo, disgusted.

He, Timmy and Spongebob was still in the captain's cabin, eating dinner. Timmy hadn't even touched his, still glaring at Wandissimo like he'd invented smallpox.

"I'm leaving as soon as he's done," he growled.

"Not fazed by my threat, Timmy?" mused Wandissimo.

"My friends are still on the ship," replied Timmy, "You're here. You can't tell them _anything._"

"Are you sure about that?" asked Wandissimo, grinning knowingly.

Timmy looked confused.

"The fairy godparent thing?" interrupted Spongebob, "I thought Timmy wasn't allowed to talk about them, otherwise that big scary Austrian guy would wipe his memory."

"Si, Timmy would never tell anyone, Spongebob, my amigo," nodded Wandissimo, "But I know someone who would…"

Timmy's eyes widened.

"_Remy._"

* * *

Danny sat up the crow's nest, looking at the stars through a telescope.

"Nothing like stargazing in the middle of the ocean," he sighed to himself.

He felt someone nudge his shoulder. Putting down the telescope, he looked around, and found Remy standing on the mast.

"Evening, boy," he greeted, casually as possible.

"Yeah, hi," said Danny, nonchalantly picking up his telescope and going back to his stargazing.

"Want some dirt on the first mate?"

Danny lowered his telescope again and glared at Remy.

"What the heck're you talking ab-"

"_NOOOOOOOOOO__!_"

Remy and Danny watched as Timmy swung on a rope from the _Wanda_'s main mast towards Remy. Timmy tackled the richer boy, and they tumbled down the sails.

Danny looked down, confused.

"OK, whatever he wanted to tell me, I really don't think I wanna know."

* * *

Timmy felt himself fall into the fabric of the sails, curling around his as he rolled to their bottom. Mercifully, he stopped at the bottom. Untangling himself, he jumped onto the deck, where he was surprised to be Remy waiting.

"Give it up, Turner," snarled Remy, "All I have to do is yell out and you're finished."

Timmy pulled his cutlass from his belt. Remy grinned, and drew his own sword.

"Temper," snarled Remy, "I've trained, plebeian."

The two locked swords as Remy attempted to jab.

"Yeah," nodded Timmy, "You forget it works both ways."

They clashed swords again.

"If you yell, I yell. You'd go down with me," snarled Timmy, "And I think you have a lot more to lose."

Remy tried to hit Timmy's legs, but he blocked the blow and brought it upwards, attempting to break his sword free.

"What makes you say that, Turner?" asked Remy, scowling.

"Come on, Remy, he's the _captain_," chuckled Timmy, "How're you gonna drive your ship without a captain?"

"I'm qualified," snarled Remy.

"Wanna bet?"

Remy froze. After a few seconds, he backed off, grinning the grin of a Cheshire Cat.

"Very well, you win, Turner," growled Remy, "Just don't think you're safe, boy."

"Sure," nodded Timmy, "Just remember if Jorgen comes to wipe my memory, I'm loosing my tongue, got it?"

Remy scowled, and walked towards the planks.

Unfortunately for Remy, Spongebob ran down the plank just as he stepped onto it. The sponge knocked the rich one off the plank and into the ocean as he rushed back on the ship.

"…" exclaimed Spongebob.

"Relax, Spongebob," Timmy grinned, "He won't be saying anything. The rest of the crew still don't know I have fairy godparents."

"That's a relief," sighed Spongebob, "But couldn't Remy just tell someone on Wandissimo's ship…"

"I got it covered," nodded Timmy, "If Jorgen comes to wipe my memory, I'll tell the crew about Wandissimo."

"Isn't that blackmail?"

"No, no, it's…um…yeah, it's blackmail," replied Timmy.

"What just happened?"

Danny had climbed down the mast, and was now looking very bewildered.

"Why were you fighting Remy?" asked Danny, "What were you talking about?"

Timmy and Spongebob glanced at each other.

"Nuuuuthing," they finally chorused.

Danny looked confused, but decided not to press the issue as the captain and first mate walked away without a word.

"Whatever he wanted to tell me, I _really_ don't think I wanna know," he decided, shaking his head.

* * *

Wandissimo yawned as the sun filled his eyes. He smiled as he got out of bed.

"Another day, another step closer to finding you, Wanda," he grinned, picking up a portrait.

Remy walked inside, muttering to himself.

"Ah, Remy, did the plan work?" asked Wandissimo.

"No," growled Remy.

"No?" demanded Wandissimo, "What do you mean, no?"

"Turner blackmailed me," snarled Remy, "If I tell anyone about his fairies, he tells his crew about mine. They left in the night."

"I never knew the _muchacho_ could be so cunning," mused Wandissimo, "It seems I'll have to sink him the old fashioned way."

He walked out onto the deck and looked at the cannons, grinning unpleasantly.

"All for you, _mi narciso_," he said to the Wanda portrait he was still holding.

Once again, his jacket ripped off inexplicitly.

**¡El Extremo!**


	5. Episode 5: The Golden Ship

Here is episode five. Not spectacular (if this was an actual televised series, this would be filler), but yeah.

Review replies;

**avatarjk137:** Thanks for that, constructive criticism is worth its weigh in gold. :) Anyway, I'll take your tips into account in future (although I've never been good at action. :/) Thanks again!

**TweenisodeOrange:** Don't worry, I'm not trying to neglect anything. I can just have these done quickly because I'm just fixing up older work so far. I do have some plans with to have muskets in the next episode, I'll see what else I can do. Anyway, thanks for the review!

**Zim'sMostLoyalServant: **Yeah, Wandissimo's fun to write. :D Thanks for reading!

* * *

**Episode Five: The Golden Ship**

Five soldiers and an officer walked through the caves, looking anxiously around them.

"You sure this is safe, sir?" asked one soldier.

"Of course it is," the officer snapped, "A ridiculous myth isn't going to stop me from claiming the mother lode."

"I just want to know what happened to the blokes we sent in first," a soldier quivered, "This place is ruddy unnatural."

They walked into a chamber, where a collection of golden statues stood, the moonlight shimmering out of a small hole in the cavern roof.

"Pure gold?" the first soldier gasped.

"I think that's twenty four carets," a third soldier observed in awe.

"Sir!"

The officer and the four other soldiers ran up to their comrade, who was looking at a collection of, cleaner newer looking statues.

"They look like the blokes we sent in ahead," noted the third man.

"I think we've reached the uncanny valley, sir," nodded the last soldier.

"I think these _are_ the advance guard," the second man suggested nervously.

"Yes," agreed the officer, shaken, "Uh, I-I think we may be meddling with forces we don't understand."

He turned to the men.

"Return to the ship. We're sailing as far away from this godforsaken place as we can," he ordered.

They would be far away from the area when they realized something important.

The cave entrance had been hidden under a shipwreck on a sandbar. A shipwreck of _solid gold_.

* * *

Spongebob Squarepants grinned as he sat atop the crow's nest of the _Krusty Krab,_ eating ships biscuit. Usually, eating ship's biscuit was a mind bogglingly horrible experience, but today, the captain was in high spirits.

He glanced at the horizon for the fifth time that morning, looking for signs of golden timbers on the horizon. The map Jimmy and Jenny had 'borrowed' from Plankton in Tortuga told them they were within an hour of the fabled Golden Ship, but there was still no sign of it – just a little shining yellow blob on a sandbar.

"Wait a minute…"

Spongebob squinted to get a better look. It was the Golden Ship, beached on a small bit of sand protruding from the sea.

"Guys!" he yelled, "We found it!"

He jumped off the crow's nest, realizing too late that he probably should have used the rope ladder. Landing face first, he took a moment to recuperate, then peeled himself off the deck and started running back and forth.

"We found it, we found it, we found it, we found it!" he chanted, running back and forth.

Timmy and Tommy watched the spectacle from afar.

"Anyone asks," suggested Timmy, "We don't know him."

* * *

"Anyone asks," suggested Skulker, "We don't know him."

Plankton was prancing around the deck of his ship, the _Chum Bucket._ The big pirate ship was far darker and edgier then the Krusty Krab, but about its equal in firepower. The ship was painted jet black, with red sails.

At last, Skulker spoke up.

"What exactly have you found, my captain?" he asked.

"Look," Plankton replied, ecstatic, "The Golden Ship! It's beached off that little island!"

"You mean the same island with the little sloop off the coast?" asked Skulker.

Plankton looked back at the island and saw the _Krusty Krab_ approaching.

"It's that fool who stole my map," scowled Plankton, "Well, that just makes it even better! I'll sink them to Davy Jones and get filthy stinking rich, all on the same morning! Gimme five!"

Skulker's massive hand splattered onto Plankton, squashing him flat.

"Apologies, my captain."

"Uh…I could've worded that one a _lot_ better…"

* * *

"Square-Rigger off the port bow!" yelled Danny, "It's heading right at us!"

"That's Captain Plankton's ship," mused Jimmy, "The _Chum Bucket_. They say it was created by a deal between Plankton and Davy Jones himself."

"Yeah, thank you, Mr. Exposition," nodded Jenny, sarcastically.

The ships came alongside each other at a quick pace, due to a high westerly wind. The _Chum Bucket_ launched grappling hooks and brought the _Krusty Krab_ crashing into its port side.

The pirates on both sides began fighting each other in a series of barely describable swordfights. Plankton jumped on Skulker's back.

"You!" he ordered, "Take on the sponge kid!"

Skulker nodded, and charged towards Spongebob, sword drawn.

* * *

Deep in the caverns under the Golden Ship, the statues began to shake.

* * *

Spongebob blocked Skulker's blow with his cutlass, before thrusting another at Skulker's stomach. The big ghost jumped over it with surprising agility, and lunged at the captain again. Spongebob ducked as Skulker swung his sword at neck level (never mind that Spongebob didn't have one).

Spongebob put out his leg and managed to trip Skulker as the bigger one made a step, bringing him crashing down. Plankton slid off his shoulder. Skulker failed to notice.

"Oh, you'll pay for that one, whelp," he snarled.

He lunged towards Spongebob.

"Hey!" snapped Plankton, "Get back here! I wanna see you rip him to shreds!"

* * *

A shadowed figure smiled as the statues in the cavern began to glow, dully at first, then brighter and brighter.

* * *

Spongebob backed against the mast, Skulker edging towards him with an evil grin on his face.

"Any last words?" asked Skulker.

"Yeah," replied Spongebob, "Why is the ship shaking?"

Indeed, the two ships had begun to shake violently and the sea was frothing madly.

Plankton stormed up to Skulker.

"Skulker, when I tell you…"

BOOM.

The ships seemed to rock at a high magnitude and a bright light shone across the decks. Spongebob felt himself thrown back into the starboard side, and then forward onto his face.

He faintly heard Plankton yell.

"HOLY SHRIMP, I'M _FLYING!_"

Then everything went black.

* * *

Spongebob's eyes opened. His vision was blurred and he could make out nothing but the solid gold timbers of the ship.

Wait, _what_?

Spongebob blinked and got to his feet, looking around. The ship had been completely turned into twenty-four caret gold. The sails were gold. The crates were gold. The dried up seagull waste on the railing was gold.

The crew was also gold.

"Uh…this could be bad," shuddered Spongebob.

He walked across the deck of the ship, still smashed onto the side of the also-golden _Chum Bucket_. He happened upon Timmy, who was frozen solid. He waved his hand in front of his face.

"Timmy?" he asked, nervously.

Getting no response, he tried other members of the crew. Danny, Jimmy, Arnold, Sandy, Tommy and Jenny – all had been turned to gold by the strange light. So had most of Plankton's crew.

Most was the key word here.

Sheldon Plankton was looking around in wonder. His eyes were wide and his jaw dropped. At last, he managed to speak.

"Wha…" he croaked.

There was a short pause.

"I'M _RIIIIIIIIICH!_"

The evil pirate began to dance around the decks, kissing the gold timbers and laughing evilly.

"YEAH! I'M RICH! RICHER THEN THE KING OF SPAIN! YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT, KING CARLOS; I'M TALKING TO YOU! I'M…"

"Uh…Plankton," interrupted Spongebob.

"What is it, cretin?" snapped Plankton, "I'm busy celebrating my greatest success!"

"Your crew's kinda been turned into gold statues," Spongebob pointed out.

"Replaceable," shrugged Plankton.

"But…how're you gonna sail a slab of gold to port?" asked Spongebob.

"I…"

Plankton paused, realization dawning on his face. He had just remembered one of the most important rules of the sea.

_Gold. Does. Not. Float._

"I'm rich and I'm marooned until I starve to death," said Plankton, calmly.

There was another pause. Plankton's face was deadly calm and stoic.

Suddenly, Plankton fell on his knees and reached for the sky.

"CURSE YOU, LAWS OF !"

Plankton fell into a sobbing wreck on the ground.

"Cheer up, Plankton," reassured Spongebob, "Don't let this horrifying freak accident which there's probably no way to reverse get you down."

"I hate you," sniffled Plankton.

"Maybe if we go _onto_ the Golden Ship, we might find a way to…fix this, maybe?" mused Spongebob.

"That won't work!" sobbed Plankton.

"Why not?"

Plankton froze as another thought entered his head.

_Why _not?

Finally, Plankton pulled himself off the deck and look Spongebob in the eye.

"Alright, scumbag," he snarled, "We'll go with your plan…for now."

"Great!" cheered Spongebob.

"But be assured, fool," continued Plankton, "This is just a temporary alliance, and when this gets resolved, I will not hesitate to defeat you in glorious battle to…"

"You coming?"

Plankton glanced over to the side of the ship. Spongebob was already getting into one of the dinghies (strangely, these were still made of wood. Just roll with it, people).

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming," nodded Plankton, shambling towards the boat.

* * *

The Golden Ship was golden, but to be honest unspectacular. Its distinct glow was, upon closer inspection, dulled by dust and the other punishments of the weather.

This did not stop Plankton from drooling at the sight of it, of course.

"If I could tow this back to Tortuga, I'd be rich…" he was muttering to himself, "Or better yet…New Providence…"

"What's a new providence?" asked Spongebob.

"You don't know New Providence Island?" gasped Plankton, "What kind of pirate to you think you are? After Tortuga, it's the biggest pirate haven in the Caribbean! All the really sophisticated pirates sailed out of there! Jack Rackham, Black Bart, Blackbeard…"

"Henry Morgan?"

"No, simpleton, he was a privateer, get it right," snapped Plankton, "Of course, Tortuga's the best place to get rum, so most people go there."

Plankton froze suddenly.

"Why am I telling you about this?"

"So you don't start talking to yourself again?" suggested Spongebob.

"I don't talk to myself, I _monologue!_" snapped Plankton.

"_Ooooohhhhhh."_

"Hey, wait a minute," mused Plankton, "Something's struck me. The only people who weren't turned to gold were me and you…sea creatures."

He paused impressively.

"So where the heck are ManRay and the Dirty Bubble?"

* * *

Back on the _Chum Bucket_, ManRay and the Dirty Bubble were playing poker on the golden deck. Suddenly, they had a sneezing fit.

"Did someone just mention us?" asked the Dirty Bubble.

* * *

Spongebob and Plankton had now entered the caverns under the ship, which were not made of gold, and were also very dark and creepy.

"This place is creepy," shuddered Spongebob.

"Get a hold of yourself, boy," snarled Plankton, "If there's any de-gold-if-I-err-thing, it'll be down here."

They entered the chamber of statues, unchanged since the earlier visit by the soldiers.

"On second thoughts, maybe we should go back," mused Plankton, nervously.

"No," replied Spongebob, "I'm not letting my friends be gold statues for the rest of forever."

"Your grammar is horrendous," snapped Plankton, "Anyway, who's to say we can't just signal another ship? There's a lot of burnable stuff in here, and besides, we can sell everyone back at Tortuga!"

"_Plankton!_"

"Alright, fine, be moral," sighed Plankton, crossing his arms.

Spongebob inspected one of the statues, a sailor in what appeared to be a state of mild surprise. Nervously, he touched it.

"WHO DARES TOUCH MY PROPERTY?"

A shadowy figure jumped into the middle of the chamber, the light revealing him as a fish in some very nice clothes.

"_Howard Blandy_?" gasped Plankton, "That old Company merchant? They said you got sunk off the Bahamas!"

"Not true," nodded Blandy, calmly and stoically, "I entered a business deal with a 'Prince' Aragon. In exchange for 'looking after' his sister, the Company gets an alliance with his kingdom."

"What does 'looking after' mean?" quizzed Spongebob.

"Simple," replied Blandy, "Ms. Mattingly, as the Company has codenamed her, is being held in a small section of a world of the dead, so to speak…"

"Davy Jones' Locker," breathed Plankton.

Blandy nodded.

"Yes, Aragon loves shoving his junk in there," he explained, "As it would happen, Princess Dora felt your presence touching _my_ statues, which I intend to sell. Naturally, I got a little bit annoyed."

"You call devilish screaming 'a little annoyed?'" demanded Plankton.

"Perhaps, but enough business talk," nodded Blandy, "Time for you two to join your friends…"

"Umm…I was actually hoping to ask if you could kinda-maybe-possibly un-goldify them," explained Spongebob.

Blandy grinned, slightly interested.

"All right," nodded Blandy, "If you can best me in a duel, I will allow Ms. Mattingly free and all of these people will be returned to normal. If you lose, I throw you both in the Locker, done deal?"

Spongebob nodded, pulling his cutlass from his belt.

"Deal."

"Oh boy," sighed Plankton.

Blandly lunged at Spongebob without warning and swung his longsword towards his leg. Spongebob barely had time to block, and the fight was opened.

Spongebob brought his sword free of Blandy's and attempted to whack him on the side of the head with it. Blandy blocked him.

"The flat of your sword?" he mused.

"We're non-deadly pirates," noted Spongebob.

"You're also pretty poor ones," taunted Blandy, knocking Spongebob back with a hit from the flat of his own sword.

Spongebob jumped to his feet, and tried to trip Blandy, but his opponent was quicker, and landed another hit to his arm, knocking the sword aside.

"Pathetic," snorted Blandy, "Hope you enjoy the locker…as for your friends, a nice trip to be melted down in Tortuga would…"

"_NEVER!_"

Spongebob grabbed the cutlass and jumped to his feet. With newfound strength, he lunged at Blandy and whacked him in the spleen. Blandy fell back as Spongebob launched another hit to the side of his head. Finally, he made another blow to his opponent's arm, knocking free his sword. It was grabbed…

…by Plankton.

"Checkmate," he grinned.

Blandy scowled as he got to his feet. He pulled what appeared to be a compass from his pocket.

"I was told only to use this to visit company premises, but desperate times call for desperate measures…"

He turned a knob.

Blandy grinned as the still golden figures of Timmy and Sandy, bringing out two flintlock pistols and aiming at them.

"Stand down or I fire," he snarled.

"But-but you promised…" stammered Spongebob.

"I'm sorry," sneered Blandy, "My Company authority overrules the Rules of Engagement."

"That's low even for the Company!" snapped Plankton.

"That's rich coming from you."

"Yeah, it probably is."

Spongebob continued to gape at Blandy's blatant cheating, unable to think of what to do next.

"Well, too late," shrugged Blandy, "Say goodbye to…"

"_Not so fast, Blandy."_

BANG!

Spongebob felt himself fall backwards as the same glow as from the beginning of the whole escapade filled the room. He shielded his eyes as it waved across the entire vicinity.

Then it dulled, and normal light (or lack thereof) returned.

The gold statues were no longer gold statues. They were instead a collection of confused sailors and in some cases soldiers.

"What the heck just happened?" asked Sandy, "How did we get in here?"

"Why do I feel like a rock?" mused Timmy, rubbing his head.

"We'll explain later," replied Spongebob, "Let's just say you all turned to gold and me and Plankton were forced into an unholy alliance to reverse the effect."

"Hey, where's Blandy?" demanded Plankton.

The group turned. Howard Blandy was standing, flintlocks still drawn. He was looking very surprised, and was completely converted to gold. On the ground in front of him was a letter.

Spongebob picked it up.

"_To Spongebob and Plankton. Thank you for saving me from the locker. Unfortunately Blandy didn't say _where_ I'd be freed if Blandy was defeated, so I'm being sent back to Aragon. Yours, Princess Dora."_

He looked up.

"Hey, we're heroes!" he smiled, "Now, Plankton, about that fight…Plankton?"

* * *

Plankton had left, and Blandy had vanished as well.

The Chum Bucket sailed away from the small sandbar, Crocker looking confused as they did so.

"Why aren't we destroying them?" he asked.

"I figured we had a bit longer left in the truce," shrugged Plankton, "Now hurry up, I wanna sell Blandy in New Providence."

Crocker nodded, taking the statue down into the hold.

* * *

Spongebob, Timmy and Sandy were rowing back to the ship. (They still hadn't worked out how the rowboats had failed to turn to gold.)

"Hey, Timmy, do you know the Company is?" he asked.

Timmy and Sandy gaped at him.

"You read a five-hundred page book on pirates and you don't know what the East India Trading Company is?" Timmy demanded.

"No, I skipped that section," shrugged Spongebob, "It wasn't very piraty."

"They're the number one enemy of all pirates," informed Sandy, "They're even worse then the navy and other pirates."

"Darn those other pirates," snarled Timmy, "They ruined piracy!"

"If those varmits are after supernatural stuff like this, they're probably planning something mighty big…"

Spongebob looked back at the Golden Ship. The prospect of the East India Company some how made it seem just a little bit darker.


	6. Episode 6: The Siren Episode Episode

I'd like to note that I got the idea of Ember being a siren from SOLmaster. However, I did try to keep this original. If SOLmaster wants me to remove this, I shall without hesitation.

Now, review replies;

**TweenisodeOrange:** *plays the Imperial March from Star Wars.* Good one. Thanks for reading!

**Clockwork Oracle King:** It _was_ there. Damn you, Fanfiction, you made me look stupid! XD Thanks for the review.

**Zim'sMostLoyalServant:** Yep, they'll show up again. Of that you can be certain. Thanks for reviewing!  
**

* * *

Episode Six: The Siren Episode Episode**

The ship lay on the rocks, unmoving and badly damaged. Much of her hull had been ripped to pieces upon running aground, and the timbers were eerily slanted. She was illuminated by a bright moonlight. It was obvious that this was a shipwreck…and a salvage opportunity.

Suddenly, a small collection of torches began to light up the darkened hold of the ship. A Royal Navy officer, followed by a Lieutenant and six redcoat soldiers, walked down the damp lower deck, heading towards a door on the far side.

Captain Vlad Masters looked apprehensive as he approached. Suddenly, he turned around and barked out an order.

"Private Parks," he ordered, "Start drumming!"

George looked confused.

"Advance or retreat, sir?" he asked.

"Advance," Vlad replied, seeming not to care.

George shrugged, and began to drum.

Tucker Foley turned to Mark Silverstone and Lillian Deville, and hissed out a whisper.

"What's so important about this wreck?" he asked.

"Search me," shrugged Mark, "Probably just a salvage mission."

"If it's salvage, why did he ask George to drum?" mused Lil.

"What the heck's even _worth_ salvaging here?" demanded Tucker.

"Mud?" suggested Phillip Deville.

The other soldiers stared at him.

"What?" shrugged Phil, "We were running out of that supply we had in the hold!"

The last redcoat, Eustace Strytch, turned to face him, aghast.

"You've been _eating_ the _ballast?_" he demanded, "That's disgust-"

"Shh!" snapped Vlad.

They had reached the door, and Vlad was looking it over. George was still drumming.

"Can I stop now, sir?" asked George.

"No," snapped Vlad.

He turned to Lieutenant Calamitous.

"Here's where we find out if our contact was correct," he noted, "Foley, Silverstone, open the door!"

Tucker and Mark took their muskets and began to batter the door their bayonets. At last it broke free, and fell off the hinges.

Vlad and Calamitous stepped into the room, followed by the redcoats. There was a small desk, presumably the captain's, and limited furnishings. The captain was standing by his desk, looking sleepy and entranced.

"Captain!" called Calamitous.

The Captain put on a strange smile.

"Ember…" he muttered.

He repeated this name at irregular intervals.

"She's here, alright," nodded Vlad, "Very close. Very, very close I'd say."

He grinned unpleasantly as he walked behind the desk, Eustace and Calamitous following him. Eustace ducked under the table. There were a few bumps, and Eustace came out, collaring someone.

It was a girl, perhaps somewhere between fourteen and eighteen, with blue hair and emerald eyes. Her hair, if one looked closely, seemed to be on fire. Her skin tone was also a strange, unearthly pale.

"Men, present," snapped Vlad.

The redcoats pulled out their muskets, aiming them at the girl.

"So, I'm guessing you would be our little siren, correct?" asked Vlad.

"What does it matter to you, old man?" snapped the girl, "No-one can kill a siren."

"Oh yes, I'm perfectly aware of how you work," nodded Vlad, "That's why I brought this drummer, to limit your power while we enter negotiation."

"Negotiation?" asked the girl.

"I am offering you as many souls as you could possibly need," explained Vlad, "In exchange for an alliance, of course. Captain Vlad Masters, by the way."

He offered his hand. The girl seemed to think it over before grinning and shaking Vlad's outstretched hand.

"Ember McLain," she replied, "So, what is it you want me to do?"

* * *

The _Krusty Krab_ was not far out of the British port of Nassau, not that it was intended to stop there. They were heading south, back in the direction of Tortuga. It had only been a day since the Golden Ship escapade, and it was still fresh on everyone's minds.

"I can't believe someone could conjure up a device to turn matter into gold," mused Jimmy.

"Will you stop that?" sighed Danny, "Can you stop trying to explain how it could possibly work without magic?"

"Certainly," nodded Jimmy, "All it takes is…"

Meanwhile, Timmy, Tommy and Jenny were patching up a sail that had been ripped overnight by rain.

"You heard?" asked Timmy, "There's a new rule for Royal Navy captains."

"What's that?" asked Jenny.

"They're not allowed to spare pirates if their women anymore," shrugged Timmy.

"So before, they were allowed to spare them if they liked them?" asked Tommy.

"Yeah," nodded Timmy, "The Navy's against the new rule because they don't think woman pirates are as dangerous."

"What?" snapped Jenny.

"Well, it's true," shrugged Timmy, "How come all the famous pirates are all guys?"

"Take that back!" demanded Jenny.

Tommy glanced between them both.

"I…think I'm gonna man the bilge pumps," he decided, walking away.

"What do you mean, girl pirates aren't as good as boy pirates?" snapped Jenny.

"It's true!" argued Timmy, "I mean, I've never heard of a _girl_ pirate stealing from the Navy!"

"I've never heard of _you _stealing from them either!" reminded Jenny.

"That's different!" snapped Timmy, defensively, "We just haven't gotten around to it yet."

"I can be just as good a pirate as you could!" growled Jenny, "Back me up here, Danny!"

"Huh-what?" gasped Danny, surprised at being called out to, "Uhh…yeah, whatever you say."

"Oh yeah?" demanded Timmy.

"Oh yeah!" snarled Jenny.

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Hi guys," greeted Spongebob as he walked up.

Timmy and Jenny turned to him.

"_Oh yeah?_" they thundered.

Spongebob stared for a few moments.

"What did I miss?" he asked at last.

* * *

Down in the bilge, Tommy was working on the pump, pumping out the excess water sloshing around his feet.

"This job really stinks," he sighed to Arnold, who was helping him.

"That's why you should wear shoes when you come down here," nodded Arnold.

Sandy walked down the stairs towards them.

"Timmy and Jenny are arguing again," she warned.

"We know," nodded Tommy, "That's why I'm down here. Seriously, that's the third time this week!"

"Timmy _has_ been a bit of a jerk lately," mused Sandy.

"He's probably still mad about Remy," shrugged Arnold, "That 'secret' that Danny talked about must be something pretty important."

"I wonder what it is…" muttered Sandy.

"If he wanted to tell us, he'd tell us himself," shrugged Tommy.

They left it at that.

* * *

"Of all the mad, insane plans this captain has executed," decided George, "This is probably the weirdest."

He was standing on the bow of the _Royal Charles_ with two sailors, drum ready. The sailors were carrying flutes, and in front of them, Vlad and Ember were going through the schematics of their plan.

"So, how far is the range?" asked Vlad.

"To the horizon, old man," replied Ember, "Way I see it, the only ships we're gonna get are three fishing boats and a sloop."

"It's the sloop that we want, madam," noted Vlad, "Now, how do we get started?"

"Your dipsticks start playing whatever the heck it is you Brits march to," replied Ember, "Stop when I give the word."

She pulled out a guitar. Vlad noted that it looked very different to any he'd seen. Of course, the electric guitar wouldn't be invented until the 1950s, so he had a right to be confused.

"Parks, drum," Vlad ordered, "You men, British Grenadiers."

"But we're not Grenadiers," interrupted George, "We're marines…"

"Just do it," sighed Vlad.

The men obliged, and started to play.

* * *

Jimmy looked away from the awkward argument that Spongebob had accidentally inserted himself into and glanced at a ship on the horizon. He could hear music playing from the distance.

"British Grenadiers," he realized, "It's a Royal Navy ship."

He grabbed a spyglass and looked closer.

"Leaping Leptons!" he gasped, "Guys, its Vlad's ship!"

* * *

The redcoats on the _Royal Charles_ watched their comrades play.

"Gotta admit, they're quite good," mused Mark.

"Yeah," nodded Tucker, "It's kinda sad when we're better at playing music then actually doing our jobs."

Ember turned to Vlad, grinning.

"OK," she explained, "Stop the flute players and keep the dork with the drum playing."

"Hey!" snapped George.

Vlad held out his hand, and the flute players stopped.

Ember started playing the same music on her guitar. This time, however, it seemed different, and not just because it was on an electric guitar. It was somehow…distorted.

* * *

Back on the_ Krusty Krab_, Jimmy's hand began to loosen around his spyglass. It slipped from his hand and dropped into the sea.

Timmy's arm fell away from repairing the sail and his face seemed to turn blank. Behind him, Spongebob's eyes became unfocused, and behind them all, Danny's eyelids began to droop.

Jenny looked at the crew on the deck.

"What in the…" she mused.

* * *

"So the drumming is protecting my own crew," mused Vlad, "While the guitar grabs the attention of everyone else. Interesting."

"It gets better," promised Ember.

The music she was playing began to melt into something extremely different.

_"Ember…you will remember…"_

* * *

Tommy and Arnold were sitting in the muck and water at the bottom of the ship, looking vacant.

"Guys," called Sandy, waving her hand in front of Tommy's face, "Is anyone home?"

She strained her hearing. The music was still playing.

_"Ember…one thing remains…"_

"Ember…" said Tommy, in a low, trancelike tone.

* * *

_"You will remember my name…"_

"Catchy, isn't it," mused Lil.

"That, or depressing," nodded Mark.

"It's supposed to be catchy," realized Tucker, "That thing's a siren, remember! Vlad's taking over the minds of everyone in hearing range!"

"Including the _Krusty Krab_," gasped Lil.

"Uh-oh," gulped Phil.

Vlad looked through his spyglass at the nearby fishing boats. Each one was lowering their original flags and raising a new one…the Red Ensign of the Royal Navy.

* * *

Jenny was attempting to snap the other pirates out of their trance, to no avail. They were now lowering their normal flag, replacing it with the navy's flag.

"What the heck is going on here?" demanded Sandy, stepping out from under the decks.

"Don't know," shrugged Jenny, "Where'd we get a navy flag from?"

The two turned to look to the horizon. There, they could see a familiar ship.

"Vlad," they realized.

* * *

_"You will remember my name!"_

Ember's song finished. The crew looked at each other, shrugged, and applauded.

Ember turned to face Vlad and Calamitous. Vlad was clapping politely.

"So," said Vlad, "Where is it you make port? I need to discuss something."

Ember rolled her eyes.

"Sirens don't_ make port_, old man, they have _havens_," she explained, "And I'm not just letting you drag a whole bunch of ships into my haven just so we can talk."

"Quite right," nodded Vlad, "Calamitous, gather some soldiers. We'll board the pirate vessel and take it to her 'haven.'"

"Foley, Silverstone, Parks, Deville, Deville, over here," snapped Calamitous.

"How did I know it would be us?" muttered George.

* * *

Jenny and Sandy were still trying to wake up the rest of the crew when they heard a clunking noise over the side.

Slowly, they brought out their cutlasses as Vlad appeared over the side of the ship. He glanced at the remaining crewmembers and grimaced.

"What the – Ember!" snapped Vlad.

Ember crawled up the side of the ship, looking annoyed.

"What now, pops?" she sighed.

"I thought you said you would control _everything!"_ he snapped.

"You never specified wether or not _everything_ meant girls, genius," shrugged Ember.

Vlad facepalmed.

"Very well," he snarled at last, "Men, deal with them!"

"Wait!"

Sandy gave a confused look as Jenny raised her arms.

"We'll come quietly," assured Jenny.

"Jenny, what're you…" whispered Sandy.

"Play along," hissed Jenny.

"Easier then expected," nodded Vlad, "Very well, I accept your surrender. We'll head to Ember's haven, and then I'll hang you both. You know, the new legislation, not that I ever planned to spare any of you…"

"Since when has he cared about legislation," muttered Phil.

"Foley, Silverstone, take them below and don't let them escape," ordered Calamitous, "The rest of you, guard the crew."

"Aye, sir!" saluted Tucker, leading their 'prisoners' under decks.

* * *

After 'failing' to chain the 'prisoners' up in the hold, Tucker locked the trapdoor to the deck.

"Alright, now what?" asked Mark.

"We wait," replied Jenny, "Vlad's taking the ship to Ember's haven, right? We wait until we get there, follow Vlad and then beat both of them the old fashioned way."

"The plan seemed perfectly stable until the 'follow Vlad' part," noted Tucker.

"That's where you two come in," nodded Sandy.

* * *

Ember's haven was a simple cove not far from their position, only an hour's sail, in fact. It was surrounded by palm trees, and a small strip of beach indicated where Vlad and Ember would be 'negotiating.'

Tucker and Mark walked ashore, carrying one of the ship's dinghies.

"What are you doing?" demanded Calamitous, walking over.

"Taking a dinghy ashore in case the tide comes in," replied Tucker, "We chained up the prisoners, don't worry about it."

Calamitous eyed the dinghy for a while, then nodded, and walked back to Vlad and Ember. The hypnotised crew and the marines stood nearby.

"I'm asking you to gather a fleet so that I may destroy a few…local admirals," explained Vlad, "Honestly, no one will miss them, anyway."

"What about us?" asked George.

"You don't count."

"That'd take a lot, gramps," mused Ember, "I'd need about…six months to gather your fleet."

"_Six months?_" demanded Vlad, "It only took you three minutes to get this crew!"

"It's not like your giving me much of an incentive to work," shrugged Ember.

"_I gave you souls!"_

"Err, earth to dipstick," sighed Ember, "Sirens don't want souls. I just wanted a bit of fun, you were offering, and now I'm done."

"You are not done," snarled Vlad, bringing out his rapier.

"What did I tell you before?" chuckled Ember, "You can't kill sirens!"

"No," nodded Vlad, "But I can do better. Parks, give the Lieutenant the drum."

George gave Calamitous the instrument.

"Calamitous, you know the beat."

Calamitous began to drum in a strange, slow tone. Ember suddenly began to hold her head and cry out in pain.

"Still want to betray me?" he asked.

He turned to Tucker and Mark, and let out a heavy sigh.

"Foley, Silverstone, it would take an idiot to not know what you're doing," he sighed, "Move the dinghy."

Mark and Tucker moved the dinghy a small way to the left.

"Turn it by ninety degrees."

Tucker and Mark turned it, revealing…nothing.

"What the-"

He looked around, sighting a nearby rock. He was about to dismiss it when Jenny and Sandy jumped out from behind it. The former had a cutlass, and the latter had extracted a plasma sword from her right arm.

(A/N: I am aware that plasma swords don't exist _now_, never mind the eighteenth century. To anyone who is complaining – shut up.)

"I'll talk to you about this later," hissed Vlad to Tucker and Mark.

"Let my people go!" demanded Jenny.

Sandy glanced at her, confused.

"I'm sorry, couldn't resist."

"Of course, the remaining crew of the _Krusty Krab_," mused Vlad, "I should have guessed Mr. Foley's ineptitude would allow escape."

He brought out his own sword, sneering.

"Well, it hardly matters," he boasted, "I am rather adept at the whole duelling business. If Daniel represents your swordplay standards, they have…much to be desired."

"I'll take him," whispered Jenny, "You get that drum."

Jenny rushed towards Vlad, who quickly blocked.

"Nice try," he snarled.

* * *

"What do we do now?" asked Phil.

"Cheer," replied George, bluntly.

The redcoats looked at each other, before shrugging and rooting on the pirates.

Calamitous glared at them.

"I am really going to have to talk to the Captain about our morale," he sniffed.

He cringed suddenly as the flat of a large metal bladed object hit the back of his head. He stepped forward, and missed a beat.

Ember's hair began to burn a little more, but subsided as Calamitous got his act back together.

Calamitous turned, to find Sandy readying another attack.

"Fool!" he exclaimed, "You want this drum? You'll have to get past my bodyguard!"

"Bodyguard?"

Calamitous began drumming another beat. Ember's blue hair suddenly changed to a deep red, and she stood up. Her eyes opened, revealing no pupils.

"Attack!" demanded Calamitous.

Ember nodded, grabbing a musket off Phil and walking towards Sandy.

"I should've seen that coming," she deadpanned.

* * *

Vlad ducked under a swing from Jenny, before attempting a blow of his own. Jenny jumped over it.

"Not bad," complimented Vlad, "I'm beginning to see what the king saw in that new legislation."

"Will everybody just stop mentioning that new rule!" demanded Jenny.

"Of course," nodded Vlad, "Back to business."

He made a jab at Jenny's torso, with she dodged.

"If I may ask a personal question," mused Vlad, blocking Jenny's leftward swing, "What has gotten your blood up; or at the very least, the robotic equivalent of your blood up?"

"I'm trying to prove something," replied Jenny, blocking a downward strike from Vlad.

"Interesting," considered Vlad, jumping over a blow at his legs.

* * *

Sandy and Ember were now in full duel mode, Ember's bayonet proving rather capable. Ember fired the shot from the musket, but it missed.

Sandy managed a hit on Ember's leg, tripping her up.

"That one's for my friends, you varmit!" she snapped.

"Friends?"

Calamitous was still standing aside, watching.

"You consider the rest of your crew 'friends'," he mocked, "Don't make friends on a ship, girl…the sea is a dangerous place, especially with our cannons tracking you."

"Sure," taunted Sandy, "Tell me when you can get 'em to work."

By now, Ember had gotten to her feet, and they began to fight again.

Calamitous seethed in his corner.

"Our cannons do work," he snapped, "We just couldn't use them because you insisted on sailing so close!"

He began to drum harder in his annoyance.

* * *

Jenny made another blow at Vlad, which he ducked under, before booting her in the chest. Jenny fell back, dropping her sword.

"That was cheap," she spat.

"Welcome to the Caribbean," sneered Vlad, "Cheating is a viable action here."

"Really?"

Jenny extracted a pistol from her left arm, pulling back the flintlock.

"No powder," snarled Vlad, "You're no-death policy dictates that."

"You sure about that?" challenged Jenny.

Vlad froze.

_Was_ he?

He looked down the barrel. He was pretty certain it had no powder, but not certain enough to bet his life on it.

He grinned evilly.

"I win again," he gloated, "You, madam, have been corrupted. For you see, threats like that are the first step on the road from where you are…to where I am."

He dropped his sword.

"Of course, that means nothing, given that Calamitous is both extremely annoyed and controlling Ms. McLain over there," he continued.

Jenny turned to face them. Realization clicked in her mind.

"_The Drum!"_

* * *

Sandy was cornered against a large rock, cutlass still in hand.

"Go ahead, do your worst!" she snarled.

"I intend to," nodded Calamitous, "Ember, you know what to do."

Ember picked up her guitar and began to strum wildly.

* * *

Phil glanced over to the brainwashed pirates.

"Hey," he asked, "Are they supposed to be glowing?"

"No, you lummox!" gasped George, "She's draining their energy! She attacks, and they get drained dry!"

"…and by the looks of Calamitous, so does Ember," mused Lil, noting the wild grin of Calamitous' face.

"So what now?" asked Mark.

"Keep cheering," replied George.

* * *

Jenny darted over to the drum as Ember began to fire her blast.

Calamitous grinned evilly and turned to see how Vlad was doing.

A large foot filled his vision.

Calamitous' head fell backwards.

Jenny landed on the ground and dramatically lunged her sword into the drum (quite unnecessarily).

Ember let off a small tinge of her attack, which very lightly pricked into Sandy's arm.

This was followed of three seconds of everyone looking very confused, and, in Calamitous' case, bleeding from the nose.

Then Ember's pupils returned and her hair turned to its normal blue.

Angrily, the siren turned to Vlad.

"You son of a…" she snarled, readying her guitar.

She stopped and thought for a second, before grinning.

"That ship is yours, right?" she asked Jenny, pointing to the _Krusty Krab _in the cove.

"Well…yeah," nodded Jenny.

"OK, here's the deal," explained Ember, "I'm gonna let all of Masters' little slaves free. Then you can leave this frootloop behind with the dinghy…figure he can row home."

"I AM NOT A FROOTLOOP!" bellowed Vlad.

"Sounds good," nodded Jenny, "I just want one thing."

"I don't…" Ember began.

"I want the rest of our crew to keep their memories of this," said Jenny, "Every. Last. Detail."

Sandy walked over to find Ember shaking Jenny's hand, and the latter grinning her head off.

"What did I miss?" she asked.

* * *

"Say it again," smirked Jenny.

"You saved my butt," sighed Timmy, moodily.

"And again."

"You saved my butt."

"OK, I'm done now," grinned Jenny.

The _Krusty Krab_ was sailing away from the cove, leaving Vlad, Calamitous and the unfortunate band of redcoats to row the hour's sail to their ship manually. They had felt a little guilty about leaving the redcoats behind, but if they ferried the marines back to the _Royal Charles_, Vlad would probably suspect them of assisting the pirates.

Well, more then he already did.

The broken sail from earlier had finally been patched up, and Timmy was more then happy to get away from Jenny, who was savouring the buck-toothed boy's humiliation. He entered the captain's cabin (unused, as Spongebob slept with the rest of the crew in the hold) and looked angrily out the rear window of the ship, watching the cove vanish.

"What're you doing?"

Spongebob walked into the cabin, looking confused.

"The crew keep saying…"

"I've heard them," snapped Timmy, "I'm a jerk, I'm moody, whatever. Honestly, if I could tell them, I would! D'you think I like keeping this a secret? So what if I'm a jerk, I haven't been _lying_ to everyone for two years just for Remy to ruin it all in one night!"

He sighed, and sat down.

"Why do pirates even _need_ rules?" he groaned, almost to himself.

He buried his head in his hands, both he and Spongebob unaware that they were being watched from the door. Sandy shook her head and walked away, deciding not to intervene.


	7. Episode 7: The Fine Line

Drat it! It's so hot over here I swear it could melt paint! _And it's 12:48 at night!_

Anyway, here's the next episode. Not as good as my others, but I had fun and that's the main thing.

Review replies;

**SOLmaster:** I'm very glad you noticed this! :D Your stories are utterly brilliant. Thanks for reviewing!

**avatarjk137:** Thanks for the concrit. I tried to improve on some things you mentioned there in this story, hopefully I've succeeded a little. Thanks for reading!

**TweenisodeOrange:** You ain't seen nuthin' yet. X) Thanks for the review!

**Zim'sMostLoyalServant:** I like intercontinuity. :P Glad you liked it. Thanks very much!

* * *

**Episode Seven: The Fine Line**

Once again, the _Krusty Krab_ had docked in the pirate haven of Tortuga.

The moon was full and a light sea breeze wafted through the night. People of all walks of life wandered the dirty, torch-lit streets of the port, intermingling with animals and insects as they went.

"Tortuga," nodded Jimmy, dully, "Forgot how much I missed this place."

"Well, if we're gonna get this map decoded," shrugged Sandy, holding up the map to Captain Kidd's treasure, "There ain't anywhere else you can find a decent code breaker."

"What about Port Royal?" asked Jimmy.

"You wanna get shot by the Navy?" shot Danny, "Anyway, I know a guy. We'll find him down the road from the Governor's Mansion."

He pointed to the mansion on the hill.

"Isn't it a bit dangerous for pirates to go up there?" mused Tommy, "I mean, the mansion's is gonna be guarded, right?"

"Nah," shrugged Danny, "The guards up there are cool. Just don't tell them you're a pirate and they won't give you a second glance!"

"This all seems too easy," said Timmy, pessimistically.

"What?" snapped Jenny, "Does everything we do have to be dangerous?"

"I'm just saying," said Timmy, shrugging defensively.

They followed Danny uphill, Timmy moodily crossing his arms as he went.

* * *

Sam Melnick was working the counter at the Nasty Burger when they came in.

The bald man raised his eyebrow as the two individuals swaggered towards him, dressed in clean, rich attire. It was easy to tell that they were out of town.

The leader of the two, a Hispanic individual in a jacket, placed his elbow on the counter and calmly asked a question.

"Are you familiar with Timmy Turner?"

"I see a lot of people," shrugged Sam, "Can you describe him?"

"He's short," replied the Hispanic man, "His teeth are the stuff of legend, and there's that _feo_ pink garment on his head…"

"Oh, that guy," nodded Sam, "He was here a bit earlier, but he left to see this guy on the hill."

"Which guy?" demanded the other person, a blonde haired boy with a condensing expression.

"He doesn't have a name," replied Sam, "Keeps to himself, most of the time. He's one heck of a writer though, and he can read and write just about any language. People call him the 'Ghost Writer.'"

"The Ghost Writer," mused the larger one, "Where does he live?"

"Up in a hut near the governor's place," shrugged Sam, "You can't miss it; it has a bucket full of burnt paper outside."

The Hispanic man nodded.

"Very well," he thanked, "_Agradece, senor_."

"Yeah, whatever," shrugged Sam, "Move along."

The two individuals left the Nasty Burger, leaving Sam alone.

* * *

The hut was a small one, a few hundred metres down the dirt road from the governor's mansion. The smell of burning paper was strong, but not as strong as the smell of powder.

Across the road from the hut was a storehouse, which the French guards of the governor used to store the gunpowder and components for their cannons. It was quiet at the moment – the guards were off duty and the storehouse was locked, but the lingering stench of the day's work was still very much present.

Danny crept up to the hut door, looked both ways, and knocked three times on the door.

A small flap opened on the door, and a pair of eyes peered out.

"Sycorax," declared Danny.

The eyes narrowed.

"Daniel Fenton," a voice sneered, "Didn't I ban you from this hut?"

"That was two years ago," snapped Danny, "Anyway, we'll need your help. Thirty doubloons."

"Sixty," growled the voice.

"Done," groaned Danny.

The door opened.

The Ghost Writer was a tall, bespectacled man with a goatee and rough, unkempt hair. He wore a long, brown coat. His arms were crossed, and he was giving Danny a very dirty look.

"You destroyed my poem," he accused.

"It was an accident," snapped Danny.

"Can we just get this over with?" sighed Jimmy.

"Very well," nodded the Ghost Writer, "Daniel, I will allow you to bring inside one of your friends. I don't want to risk too much damage."

"Alright," nodded Spongebob, "I'll just…"

"Actually, I'll take Jimmy," decided Danny, "No offence, he's just better at these kinds of things."

"Oh," sighed Spongebob, somewhat disappointedly.

As Danny and Jimmy stepped into the hut, the Ghost Writer passed a glare over Timmy.

"Oh, you," he snarled, "I have a message for someone of your description. Are you Timmy Turner?"

"Yeah," shrugged Timmy.

"I've been asked to tell you something," said the Writer, pulling a small scrap of paper from his coat.

"_You walk a very fine line,_" he read, "_Be sure you do not cross it._"

The Ghost Writer huffed at Timmy's confused expression.

"I wouldn't ignore a message from Davy Jones, boy," he growled.

He stepped back into his hut and slammed the door.

Timmy blinked.

"What the heck was that?" he asked.

* * *

Behind the storehouse, Wandissimo and Remy were spying on the pirates, waiting to make their move.

"It's Turner we want, right?" snapped Remy, "Because I want him to learn that nobody threatens me…"

"Patience, Remy, patience," soothed Wandissimo, "We do this right."

He drew his wand, and conjured a longbow.

"A longbow," he explained, "Far more accurate then a musket, and much quieter."

He chuckled, and took aim.

"_Constante…constante…_" he murmured to himself.

He pulled back the string, held his breath…and fired.

* * *

Roughly one second earlier, Spongebob noticed a silver coin on the ground. He gave a grin, and leant down to pick it up.

_TWUNK!_

Spongebob glanced quickly up, seeing the arrow in the door. He jumped.

"Where'd that come from?" he gasped.

Then, they heard a yell.

Remy swore very loudly.

"Remy!" snapped Wandissimo, "Watch your tongue!"

"Drat it," snarled Remy, "You can't even hit the sponge? He's right there!"

He pointed angrily to the sponge, exposing himself in the process.

"Remy!" cried Timmy, jumping to his feet and drawing his sword.

Wandissimo sighed heavily.

"Turner," called Remy, a scowl on his face, "We're here for you! You cannot escape."

"Remy," groaned Wandissimo, "We had a plan."

"Sod the plan!" barked Remy, baring his blade, "I'm taking him on!"

He ran towards Timmy, leaving a fuming Wandissimo behind.

* * *

Timmy had wasted no time in making his own charge at the rich boy, and the two met at the door to the storehouse, their swords coming together with a metallic clash.

Timmy jumped back, dodging a quick stab from Remy. He sidestepped, blocking a slash from his opponent to the right of him.

"I thought we were done!" snapped Timmy, "I told would happen if you…"

"Who said anything about telling?" Remy laughed humourlessly, "I'm just here to kill you!"

"Why?" demanded Timmy, having a chop at Remy's abdomen blocked, "You're not a murderer, Remy!"

"So says the pirate," sneered Remy.

Timmy rolled his eyes, and booted his opponent in the gut. Remy stumbled, and dropped his sword.

"You cheat!" he snarled.

"So says the privateer," imitated Timmy.

Remy gave a nasty grin.

"Two can play at that one," he chuckled.

He jumped to his feet, and ran to a window in the storehouse. He leapt toward it, and slid through the small opening into the building. Timmy was quick in following, leaving the other pirates alone.

"I guess we should follow them," shrugged Arnold.

"Alright, me and Sandy will go get Timmy," nodded Spongebob.

"The rest of you guys can make sure Wandissimo doesn't get away," added Sandy, pointing over to the privateer, his head still in his hands.

"Got it," acknowledged Tommy, drawing his cutlass, "See you guys back at the ship."

Spongebob and Sandy ran for the storehouse and slipped through the windows.

* * *

Remy hid behind a barrel of gunpowder, a grin on his face.

"Hey, Turner!" he called glancing at his enemy in the darkened main storage room, "Do you like fireworks?"

"Oh, come on!" snapped Timmy, "You're not _that_ stupid. You'll blow up the whole building."

Remy gave a guffaw, and crept over to a pile of bombs against the corner. He grabbed a match and grinned.

"Try me."

Timmy shook his head, and began to march towards his foe.

It was then that Remy lit the fuse and threw the bomb. Timmy dived to the ground as it landed nearby and exploded into flames, setting the dirt floor on fire.

"You idiot!" snapped Timmy.

He ran to Remy and grabbed him by the collar.

"Come on," he snarled, "We're getting out of here."

"No," growled Remy, "_You're_ not."

He booted Timmy in the ribs. Gasping, Timmy fell onto his back, gasping for air as his sword flew out of his hands.

Remy gave a cruel smile and picked up the sword.

"What's up with you, Remy?" demanded Timmy, "I mean, you're bad, but you're not _this_ bad…"

"Your blackmail hit a nerve, Turner," growled Remy, "I don't like being played with."

There was a bang, and a barrel of gunpowder erupted into an oblivion of sulphur.

"You think you can threaten me with severing my relationship with Wandissimo?" snapped Remy, "You think we have the same relationship you have with Cosmo and Wanda, don't you?"

He spat in Timmy's face. Timmy grimaced, and wiped the saliva from his cheeks.

"Wandissimo and I, we're partners at best," Remy snarled, "But you! You never realise how lucky you really are."

He bared his teeth.

"I was alone, Turner," Remy continued, unaware of the building flames, "My parents ignored me, my shipmates held me in contempt, and my godfather cares more for his old flame then he does for me! You, on the hand, had everything – loving if oblivious parents, real friends, and actual care and love from your godparents!"

Remy's voice rose into a yell.

"You didn't just get _fairies_, Turner!" he thundered, "You got a _family!_"

"Fairies?"

Both Timmy and Remy glanced towards the door. Spongebob and Sandy had entered the room. Sandy wore a confused expression, as Spongebob pointed nervously to the fire.

Timmy was as white as a sheet, but Remy simply gave a nasty grin.

"Yes," he chuckled, "Timmy Turner has it all. He got the power, he got the servants…he got love."

"Remy," breathed Timmy, "Don't…"

"Timmy Turner has fairy godparents!" shouted Remy.

Sandy tilted her head, noting the crazed look in Remy's eye and the utterly sick expression on Timmy's face.

"…you what?" she mused, confused.

Spongebob shifted his feet.

"Uh…can you forget you heard that?" he mumbled.

There was a sudden, brilliant explosion in the centre of the room, and a hulking figure with a giant staff stood before Timmy, a stern expression on his face.

"Timmy Turner," he growled in a thick Austrian accent, "You have had your fairy godparents revealed! And now…"

"NO!"

Timmy jumped to his feet and ran out the back door, down the stairs into the forge. Remy growled, and ran after him.

The hulking figure made to follow.

Next to him, a barrel of powder exploded. The man fell to the ground, his staff sliding away from him. The man howled, and held his leg.

"My leg!" he roared, "My glorious, muscular leg!"

"We should probably help him," mused Sandy.

"…you're not weirded out by this?" asked Spongebob.

"Time and a place," snapped Sandy, "C'mon. Help me get this feller out of here."

* * *

Remy ran into the forge.

He froze.

Timmy was standing before him, a look of pure loathing on his face and a very large blunderbuss in his hands.

"How does it feel to be defenceless, Remy," snarled Timmy.

Remy shook his head.

"Oh, you wouldn't!" he chuckled.

Timmy marched up to Remy, and swung the blunderbuss over his head, knocking him to the floor. As Remy held his head, Timmy aimed the weapon at his forehead.

"Wouldn't I?" challenged Timmy.

"Now…now, think about this," he pleaded, "You wouldn't…you wouldn't dare…"

Remy whimpered as his enemy held the weapon at his head.

Timmy's mind flashed back.

"_I win again. You, madam, have been corrupted. For you see, threats like that are the first step on the road from where you are…to where I am."_

"_You walk a very fine line. Be sure you do not cross it._"

Timmy dropped the blunderbuss.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself in horror.

There was a bang from upstairs. Timmy glanced to Remy, and then to the stairs. If he ran, he could get out in time to save himself. He could leave Remy, it wouldn't be his fault…

Timmy shook the thoughts from his head, and grabbed Remy in a fireman's hold. Breathing deeply, he made his run.

He darted through the burning storehouse, coughing from the choking smoke. He could barely see, but somehow, he found the door. It had been forced open before him, and the pirate ran out into fresh air.

He dropped Remy to the ground, coughed heavily, and fell to the dirt, unconscious.

* * *

Timmy blinked rapidly.

He was lying in his hammock, under the decks of the _Krusty Krab_. Everything seemed in order – the lamps were lit, the wood was damp and Jorgen was leaning over him.

Timmy jumped.

"Jorgen!" he gasped, "I can explain…"

Jorgen shook his head.

"I don't know why I do these things for you, tiny Timmy Turner," snarled Jorgen.

"Wh-what things?" asked Timmy, "Y-you're not gonna…"

"This is your very last chance, Turner," growled Jorgen, "Your _very_ last chance. The same goes for puny Buxaplenty over on the _Wanda_."

"I…uh…so you wiped her memory, then?" asked Timmy, "Well…thanks, I guess."

"I never said _that_," snapped Jorgen.

He exploded away, leaving Timmy alone.

Timmy thought the conversation over.

Remy was back on his ship, which was OK…he guessed. He was alive, which was always a plus.

And Sandy knew.

That was not a plus.

Timmy lay back on his hammock and groaned.

He was not looking forward to tomorrow.

"Well, look on the bright side," he groaned, "At least we got that map decoded."

* * *

_Always look on the bright side of life! Dodo - dododo!_


End file.
